Here’s the situation. You’ve worked hard all week, everyone is still alive and healthy, the bills are paid (or will be), and now it’s time to ~~~CLEAN THE HOUSE.~~~  No matter what the kids ages are (although older is tougher), you DREAD in the most intense of ways even uttering the words, “Ok kids, let’s clean up the house and get the chores done,” or whatever your method is for delivering the perceived death sentence.  I hear this dread from parents all the time and I understand because it was the worst thing my Mom could say to me when I was a kid… instantly turning this Saturday morning soccer star into a fit throwing, convulsing, whining, death welcoming little pile of tears and grunts, and sent me stomping off to my room mumbling something about how I was going to die and cleaning is soooooo boring!

Tell me she didn't just say what I think she said!

 No one wants to start their weekends off with that kind of drama but it keeps happening… and for some, the weekend doesn’t even start until that drama-sode is over!  How sad is that?  Well, here are some things to think about to help you muster up the energy and courage to embark on your next quest for a cleaner, tidier household and stop the next round of stomach virus sharing

1)      Congrats! – You deserve an award for even asking your family to help with the keeping of the castle!  You have already saved yourself from the wrongs of just doing it all yourself because “you want it done right and as quickly as possible.”  So here’s your trophy   

 

Winner!

 2)      Whether you’re getting much help with cleaning or not, deep down there is a feeling of guilt.  That guilt stems from the idea that you should be doing more for your family and you really should be doing a better job of keeping the house clean and beautiful.  You may even go so far as to think you’re wrong to expect help.  That’s all in your head…SCRAP IT!   Your family will pick up on that and you will not be able to approach the subject with the level of confidence necessary to solicit the help you need, hence… increased drama!

 

 

3)      You are teaching your kids so much more than how to clean!  This is teamwork!  You’re teaching them team building skills, social skills, communication, good hygiene, time management, organization, respect….it’s practically endless.   You are helping them build habits that will serve them well the rest of their days on this planet… you are being a great parent!!!

Success

So, the next time you get ready to announce the castle cleaning, smile and think of it this way… it’s not so much about the cleaning, really.  Focus on the end result… GOOD HABITS taught by you, the GREAT Parent!  You’re kids may start to realize it’s not really that big of a deal and the more they do it the faster they get and the less they have to think about it.  REALITY BONUS: They might even realize that keeping up with things a little better during the week makes cleaning day wayyy easier!  Triumph!

REMEMBER:  You are a GREAT PARENT and the drama is all in their heads… not yours!

TKMom

 

Honey, I'm home!!!

I know you want the magic solution.  Just do ____________ and you’re ” not so tidy” significant other will be buzzing around the house scrubbing, vacuuming, dusting, disinfecting, sorting and folding.   Buy ___________ and never again will you come home from a short trip to a complete and total disaster area fit for yellow caution tape and a sign labeled “CONDEMNED.”

Well, there is no magic answer but I’d like to offer a few suggestions on how to approach the subject with your cave dwelling partner without getting into a knock down drag out.   One thing you may want to keep in mind if you are the Neat Freak (odds are the Messy Marvin’s aren’t reading this…just a guess) and that is PATIENCE… Rome was not cleaned in a day!

Common ground

The important thing is to make sure you have expressed how you feel about the clutter and your spouse has, at minimum, expressed they have heard what you’ve said and at least will try and understand how it makes you feel.  That is a huge step in the right direction.  Things may not change overnight but you can make progress and it’s not unusual for the whole family to begin to realize that tidiness is next to… well, you know

Imagine!

One step at a time… believe it and you will get there!

TKMom

Who wouldn’t want a jar of good deeds noticed, to constantly remind us of how awesome we are everyday?  I would.

The cool thing about what we simply call “the marble jar” is this – it changes with your kids!   This is something we’ve been doing with our kids for years and it still gets the attention of the oldest who is now 13.  It’s easy to implement, very effective and really builds positive behavior.

First things first, here is what you will need:

1. One clear acrylic container per child (preferably with a lid)

2. Lots of marbles – more than one color is good but not neccessary

3. One large clear marble container – a bowl or canister

THAT’S IT!!!!!

Secondly, here are the guidelines:

The kids begin accumulating marbles for their good deeds.  We have always given them for deeds that were spontaneous and things the kids had not been instructed to do or say.  Here are a couple of examples:

My son shared his snack at the pool with his younger sister who forgot hers at home.  He really wanted his snack and had mentioned how hungry he was but shared it anyway.  I noticed his generosity and told him he gets marbles to put in his jar when he gets home.  In this case it was two marbles but you can tailor it to fit your style.  (I didn’t even have to remind him to get the marbles when we got home… he went straight to it)

I occasionally ask my 13 yr old to clean out/up her closet because it has the tendency to be her place to stuff, cram, throw, stack and store anything and everything.  I usually have to ask 2 or 3 times before she kinda “gets around to it.” She recently said, “Sure Mom” to a closet cleaning request and to my surprise, went straight up and took care of business!  For her that was monumental so she got 3 marbles… and when I said she got 3 marbles she was proud as peacock with her 3 little marbles!

He Who Giveth Can Taketh Away! If someone says or does something nasty, ugly, vile or vicious.  Or simply doesn’t do what they’re asked in some obviously disrespectful way – then they are coughing up marbles and oooooeey they don’t like to give those marbles back!

We assigned a value of approximately 33 cents to each marble and cash them in at the end of the week or two weeks – whatever works.  What makes the marbles magic for us as parents is how they take on the friction of the difficult situations instead of every issue being the Kids vs. Us.

This works like magic… our kids still get all wide eyed and perky when we utter those esteem building words, “Go get some marbles.”  It’s so incredibly important that we noticed the good deed done!  Soon you will notice they are looking for ways to earn marbles - positively marble-ous!

p.s. kids like to see their marbles piling up in the container which is why it’s really important that it’s clear!!

Take a big piece of paper and put a giant red X on it. This X goes on the floor in the middle of the room and an unknown reward written on a small piece of paper goes underneath (don’t let them see this part). The reward should be something of particular interest to the mates involved in the adventure (this promotes auto-participation in the next adventure, of which there will surely be one). Everyone gets to pick a pirate name of course and they must speak in their best pirate voices throughout the entire adventure. If they have pirate dress-up clothes – by all means let them dress for the occasion!

All of the items around the ship(room) that are causing the ship’s deck to be a wreck are picked up and placed on the big red X. I mean everything from the clothes to stuffed animals to coloring books and so on gets piled on this X. Once the pile is complete – the mates look around the room and put away any remaining debris hanging around.

Now it’s time to get to the bottom of the pile and find out what is under that big red X! This is when you let the mates know there is treasure under that red X and they can’t see what it is until all the items in the pile are put in their proper place and the red X can be lifted. They will be scooting around the room like little deckhands in a hurry. If you have any pirate songs on CD play those too!

Side note: make sure the reward is something that can be redeemed fairly quickly after the task has been completed. Not trying to promote instant gratification but for this tip – the quicker the better on the reward end. Total prep time is about 4 minutes to get this rolling.

This little gem also works well with a cowboy theme -YEEHAAA MATES!

TKMate

We have 3 kids and they cover the full spectrum from Mighty Tidy to Tornado.  The little one (girl) is an absolute wiz at tidy, and let me tell you, she has taught us all a thing or two.  The oldest, also a girl, reminds me of a phrase my parents used quite often when referring to my organizational skills, “You’d lose your head if it wasn’t attached to your shoulders.”  And then there is the middle child (boy), who will clean up his room but then it’s sectioned off like a museum so nothing gets move from its sacred spot.  I find myself creeping tip toe through his room so as not to knock over one of his very deliberately placed toys.  These are, after all, very strategically placed and trust me he’ll notice if Mr. Bionicle™ has moved to a vulnerable position against the great Bakugan™ foe… it’s a battle of epic proportion!

We run the gamut from, the total standoff… “clean up or perish”, to “oh the heck with it, my room is a mess too and I’m tired”!!!

Regardless if you’re dealing with kids who take to it instinctively or those who fight it every step of the way, breaking tasks down into smaller “bite size” chunks is a vital step towards success.  For example, if you have a child who’s room looks like a cyclone hit it and the mere mention of the words “clean up your room” turn your once sweet, good natured child into a convulsing, melt down having, professional whiner who you begin to refer to as your husband’s (or wife’s) child….here is a suggestion that will help.  

Day one: start with making the bed only.

Day two: make the bed and pick up 5 things off of the floor.

Day three:  make the bed, 5 more things off the floor and 5 items to be thrown away or donated to charity.  (you can make it 3 things if 5 starts to point you towards whiner territory)

Day four: make the bed, 5 things off the floor and 5 items to be trashed, stored or donated… starting to get the idea??? When these tasks are being completed, let your kids dress up in play clothes or listen to fun music… anything to promote a little use of the imagination. 

A cyclone is just too overwhelming a task to think of cleaning up all at once.  If you can live with the mess for a few more days and let them make smaller strides towards cleaning it up… you will have truly accomplished something and so will they!

TKMom