TidyKidz - We're habit forming!

I’ve been getting a lot of questions lately about what to do with kids who just don’t care about picking up their stuff, cleaning their rooms, etc.  I’ve heard everything from flat out “No”, to “I don’t know how” and even (a personal fave from a 9 yr old) “This is why you need to stay out of my business”. There is no question that once we’ve let our kids develop bad habits it takes a lot to correct them.   The level of uncooperativeness varies depending on how long a child has been able to beg, bargain, whine or wait their way out of responsibility.  I include waiting as a method because it’s true and VERY common. Today’s kids have learned to wait their way out of things due to the busy schedules of family life.

In order to promote change you must first take a good look at the message you are sending out to your kids.  Take some time to look around at your own personal space and get it in shape.  Make a list of the things you want to start with like, 1. Make your bed everyday, 2. Put your dirty clothes in the laundry basket – not on the floor and so on.  Taking these steps first will allow you to feel more confident when you sit down with your kids and have “The Talk”.  You will radiate confidence and your kids will get the message that you are expecting cooperation.

“The Talk” is simply this:

A sweet delivery!

Pick a time when you can gather everyone around the table and let them know that change is a comin’.   You might serve a family favorite dessert and then begin by letting them know this is something you expect from everyone and lay out the guidelines very specifically.  Pass it out on paper if you want.  Chore Charts work well for the ones who need to “see” what you mean.  For those with little ones, they won’t understand exactly what you are saying but they will certainly understand the tone of the family meeting and through observation will get the idea to some degree.  Feel lucky if you have some young ones, you are catching them BEFORE they develop bad habits.

Be very direct and specific about what you expect and why.  Believe it or not, there are some kids who will really take to the idea and get excited about it.  When you present the idea to the family as a group, it gives the plan more energy and a greater chance to succeed.  Discuss the potential rewards and consequences for cooperation and non-cooperation.  Make time for questions to be asked and let everyone put their two cents worth in but just make sure you restate that this is not optional.  Change is much easier to adapt to when you’ve been confronted with it in advance and have been given an opportunity to clarify, disagree, cry – whatever the case may be.  Make yourself some notes for the family meeting… this will help you stay on track and ensure that everything gets covered.

Cooperation

There is one caveat to the level of success you can achieve through the changing of the boundaries.  That caveat is this:

You are teaching your kids how to develop good habits and you can develop either good habits or bad habits through consistency.  If you are consistently in-consistent you will get bad results.  You must be ready to change and have the strength and stick-to-it-tiveness to see it through.  So don’t start this until you are really dedicated to sticking to it. You can experience more of the same, get worse, or really put things moving in a better direction, it’s up to you.

The little successes will give you the motivation and confidence to stick to your plan.  Celebrate them and give yourself a little pat on the back – this is good stuff you’re doing here!

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