Opposites attract right? You are the super Neat-Freak and your partner is straight out of an episode of Sanford and Son. It’s enough to cause some serious disagreements and not to mention some confusion from the kid’s perspectives. There is no doubt that clutter can cause people to feel an enormous amount of stress and anxiety the minute they walk into a room. Others simply say it doesn’t bother them and they hardly notice it. At times, it seems it would be easier to climb Mount Everest than it would be to explain to someone unbothered by clutter, how stressful clutter is to you.
Honey, I'm home!!!
I know you want the magic solution. Just do ____________ and you’re ” not so tidy” significant other will be buzzing around the house scrubbing, vacuuming, dusting, disinfecting, sorting and folding. Buy ___________ and never again will you come home from a short trip to a complete and total disaster area fit for yellow caution tape and a sign labeled “CONDEMNED.”
Well, there is no magic answer but I’d like to offer a few suggestions on how to approach the subject with your cave dwelling partner without getting into a knock down drag out. One thing you may want to keep in mind if you are the Neat Freak (odds are the Messy Marvin’s aren’t reading this…just a guess) and that is PATIENCE… Rome was not cleaned in a day!
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It’s very important to express to your partner how clutter makes you feel. Take the time to sit down when you will be uninterrupted and explain how important it is to you that things don’t just pile up around the house. Be very specific, such as “When you leave your clothes on the floor all week and let the papers pile up on the dresser it makes me feel stressed just walking into our bedroom, a place where I prefer to be able to relax and rest.” Give specific examples and explain that you have a hard time resting in a room that is not picked up… you have that nagging feeling there is still something left for you to do.
- Quite often, the problem is that Messy Marvin’s have never really learned how to be organized and maintain clutter free surroundings (too bad they didn’t have Tidy Kidz). It’s a great idea to take the time to help them or even surprise them with a new system for keeping control of their stuff. If you think you can get along well enough… make it a date… order out and share a glass of wine or two… play their favorite music (think strategically) . Purchase a filing cabinet and label it just for their things, put a paper stacker on their desk and buy a trash can for the office. Show them where everything goes in a spirit of respect. This will be a nice change from the usual nagging.
- Start a plan with your spouse and agree that each of you will spend 5 minutes each night straightening up areas that each of you primarily use. Express how much it would mean to you. This will also set a great example for your kids who you are asking to do the same. The 5 Minute Tidy Game (watch the video) can be played by everyone and to be honest, the more the merrier, when you include everyone it can actually be fun!
Common ground
The important thing is to make sure you have expressed how you feel about the clutter and your spouse has, at minimum, expressed they have heard what you’ve said and at least will try and understand how it makes you feel. That is a huge step in the right direction. Things may not change overnight but you can make progress and it’s not unusual for the whole family to begin to realize that tidiness is next to… well, you know 
Imagine!
One step at a time… believe it and you will get there!
TKMom
