So keep the mimic factor in mind when you are dealing with your kids on the state of their stuff. Eventually you will get “the question” and it will feel like you just got smacked in the forehead.   It should come as no surprise the day your 5 year old says, “Why do I have to pick up my toys and clean up my room?  Your room is messy too Mommy!”  

Patterns!!

Here’s the situation. You’ve worked hard all week, everyone is still alive and healthy, the bills are paid (or will be), and now it’s time to ~~~CLEAN THE HOUSE.~~~  No matter what the kids ages are (although older is tougher), you DREAD in the most intense of ways even uttering the words, “Ok kids, let’s clean up the house and get the chores done,” or whatever your method is for delivering the perceived death sentence.  I hear this dread from parents all the time and I understand because it was the worst thing my Mom could say to me when I was a kid… instantly turning this Saturday morning soccer star into a fit throwing, convulsing, whining, death welcoming little pile of tears and grunts, and sent me stomping off to my room mumbling something about how I was going to die and cleaning is soooooo boring!

Tell me she didn't just say what I think she said!

 No one wants to start their weekends off with that kind of drama but it keeps happening… and for some, the weekend doesn’t even start until that drama-sode is over!  How sad is that?  Well, here are some things to think about to help you muster up the energy and courage to embark on your next quest for a cleaner, tidier household and stop the next round of stomach virus sharing

1)      Congrats! – You deserve an award for even asking your family to help with the keeping of the castle!  You have already saved yourself from the wrongs of just doing it all yourself because “you want it done right and as quickly as possible.”  So here’s your trophy   

 

Winner!

 2)      Whether you’re getting much help with cleaning or not, deep down there is a feeling of guilt.  That guilt stems from the idea that you should be doing more for your family and you really should be doing a better job of keeping the house clean and beautiful.  You may even go so far as to think you’re wrong to expect help.  That’s all in your head…SCRAP IT!   Your family will pick up on that and you will not be able to approach the subject with the level of confidence necessary to solicit the help you need, hence… increased drama!

 

 

3)      You are teaching your kids so much more than how to clean!  This is teamwork!  You’re teaching them team building skills, social skills, communication, good hygiene, time management, organization, respect….it’s practically endless.   You are helping them build habits that will serve them well the rest of their days on this planet… you are being a great parent!!!

Success

So, the next time you get ready to announce the castle cleaning, smile and think of it this way… it’s not so much about the cleaning, really.  Focus on the end result… GOOD HABITS taught by you, the GREAT Parent!  You’re kids may start to realize it’s not really that big of a deal and the more they do it the faster they get and the less they have to think about it.  REALITY BONUS: They might even realize that keeping up with things a little better during the week makes cleaning day wayyy easier!  Triumph!

REMEMBER:  You are a GREAT PARENT and the drama is all in their heads… not yours!

TKMom

 

I don’t know about anyone else out there but school hasn’t even started yet and I’m already starting to shudder at the thought of all that schoolwork flooding in my door and onto the kitchen table and every other flat surface in the house.   I love to see the progress my 3 little geniuses are making in school but that coupled with the mail can quickly become a literal paper mountain.  We have trays set up for the kids to minimize the scatter during the week and it works like a charm.  “Scan-Man” takes us one step closer to spacial bliss

I have decided to start the “Scan-Man” up and get him rockin’ this year.  Each of us will have a folder on the computer for any papers we want to keep around but don’t necessarily need to have a physical copy handy.  Scanners are relatively inexpensive and you may want to pick up a paper shredder while you’re at it since you won’t need to FILE it anymore.  I get all fired up just typing that line   There will be plenty of sales coming up with school starting so keep your eye open for deals.  We’ll certainly post any we find!

Change is good!

Take a moment to think about how much paper storage you have in your house right now…. all of it… even in the attic!  This is 2009…make the change to storing it on the computer and free up some much needed space around the house.  Of course you will need to hang on to some precious items – don’t go scanning and shredding little Johnnie’s kindergarten art project. 

Can you feel the open space? 

TKMom

Space to moooove

Nice bins

Are you are one of those people who really WANTS to start recycling but just can’t quite seem to get into the habit of it?  One VERY useful way to get yourself on the fast track is by getting the kids involved.   If your kids are school age odds are they are far more knowledgeable about recycling than you are anyway.  Recycling is something kids learn a lot about in school these days and is by far one of the easier subjects for you to reinforce at home.  I dare you to try to do the 2^nd grade math homework!  After reading the directions aloud, then again, then once more to myself out of sheer desperation, I find myself saying apologetically to my 2^nd grader, “Wait until Daddy gets home, he’ll know what to do.”   Then I head off to the kitchen with my humble pie :-0

Check out these easy steps to making your house a green house.   (Beats the heck out of the math homework!)

• Get 3 bright colored tubs for outdoor use and one for indoor use… they will need to be pretty good size. You can often find them with rope handles at places like Walmart and Target. Keep one in the house very close to the trash can. When the indoor tub gets full, the kids can take it out and sort the items into the larger bins.
• Label each tub (or let the kids name them… they have a lot of fun with that) – for example, Goober Glass, Poncho Plastic, and Calvin Cardboard.
• Search online for colorful pictures of items that are made from recycled goods. Print them out and post them above each of the bins according to the contents. For example, did you know that snowboards can be made from recycled milk cartons, and recycling a 3ft. high stack of newspapers saves an entire tree?
• Lastly, post a big picture of a land fill next to the bins and write these words “I Am Saving The Planet” and everyone sign the picture. 

Recycle America

When was the last time you took your shoes off and walked around on the grass awhile?  How about the last time you sat on the porch and watched the rain or a beautiful sunset?   This is a magical world we live in!

Last week I stood on the porch and watched a spectacular lightening storm and my 7 year old bravely came out to join me for a few minutes.  I said,”Mother Nature sure is somethin’ isn’t she Bella?”  She said, “Yeah!  I should meet Mother Nature, we have things to talk about.” 

Happy Recycling – TKMom

little tomorrows

Honey, I'm home!!!

I know you want the magic solution.  Just do ____________ and you’re ” not so tidy” significant other will be buzzing around the house scrubbing, vacuuming, dusting, disinfecting, sorting and folding.   Buy ___________ and never again will you come home from a short trip to a complete and total disaster area fit for yellow caution tape and a sign labeled “CONDEMNED.”

Well, there is no magic answer but I’d like to offer a few suggestions on how to approach the subject with your cave dwelling partner without getting into a knock down drag out.   One thing you may want to keep in mind if you are the Neat Freak (odds are the Messy Marvin’s aren’t reading this…just a guess) and that is PATIENCE… Rome was not cleaned in a day!

Common ground

The important thing is to make sure you have expressed how you feel about the clutter and your spouse has, at minimum, expressed they have heard what you’ve said and at least will try and understand how it makes you feel.  That is a huge step in the right direction.  Things may not change overnight but you can make progress and it’s not unusual for the whole family to begin to realize that tidiness is next to… well, you know

Imagine!

One step at a time… believe it and you will get there!

TKMom

Road Trip!

Does the thought of a 3 hour ride in the car or 4 hour flight with your kids threaten your ability to even look forward to a vacation?  Do you start apologizing to people sitting around you and your kids on a flight before you even get off the ground?

I recently took a flight to Miami which is relatively short from Tennessee but for one Mom… it was an eternity!  She was traveling with her two boys, ages 2 and 4 and they literally put her through the ringer (not to mention the rest of us).   They kept Mom moving constantly between the two of them… “I need a snack, I want his toy”.  While the 2 year old constantly kicked the seat in front of him the 4 year old dropped his toys in the aisle repeatedly.   They both constantly put the tray table up and down and that alone nearly caused Mom to lose her sanity.   It was like Mom was on a swivel being spun like cotton candy.  You know what cotton candy looks like when it’s done… all fuzzy and puffed up! 

I really felt for her because she had obviously made an effort to keep the kids occupied during the trip by bringing toys and snacks but there was one thing missing that held the potential to prevent her flight from hell.  The missing element was SURPRISE!!!

Try this next time you travel and you may actually hear the sound of silence again for the first time

Prepare a small travel bag or box for each of your kids with toys that are new to them.  If they bring toys from home they tend to get bored very quickly because they already know how to work them and all the limitations.  Fill the box with unfamiliar toys… often times these can be simple things like a deck of cards for a game of go fish, a Slinky, Play-dough,  Rubik’s cube, a brand new coloring book or comic book, a stamp book with a set of new stamps and stickers, or a new video game they haven’t played if they have the handheld games.  Also think about downloading a movie they haven’t seen to your iPOD or MP3 player. 

As for snacks, put some things in there that keep the mouth busy such as a pack of gum, suckers, sunflower seeds, and peanuts or pistachios in the shell.  These also help with problem of plugged up ears.

I’m sure you can think of many more items that suit your kids individual tastes and personalities.  Often times, the kids end up swapping stuff on the way back… it’s spectacular!

Traveling with kids can be a challenge but it doesn’t have to ruin your trip.   We have had many successful trips by using this little trick and it’s worth spending a few bucks for the sanity of all 

Happy travels!

Have a great 4th of July!!

Who wouldn’t want a jar of good deeds noticed, to constantly remind us of how awesome we are everyday?  I would.

The cool thing about what we simply call “the marble jar” is this – it changes with your kids!   This is something we’ve been doing with our kids for years and it still gets the attention of the oldest who is now 13.  It’s easy to implement, very effective and really builds positive behavior.

First things first, here is what you will need:

1. One clear acrylic container per child (preferably with a lid)

2. Lots of marbles – more than one color is good but not neccessary

3. One large clear marble container – a bowl or canister

THAT’S IT!!!!!

Secondly, here are the guidelines:

The kids begin accumulating marbles for their good deeds.  We have always given them for deeds that were spontaneous and things the kids had not been instructed to do or say.  Here are a couple of examples:

My son shared his snack at the pool with his younger sister who forgot hers at home.  He really wanted his snack and had mentioned how hungry he was but shared it anyway.  I noticed his generosity and told him he gets marbles to put in his jar when he gets home.  In this case it was two marbles but you can tailor it to fit your style.  (I didn’t even have to remind him to get the marbles when we got home… he went straight to it)

I occasionally ask my 13 yr old to clean out/up her closet because it has the tendency to be her place to stuff, cram, throw, stack and store anything and everything.  I usually have to ask 2 or 3 times before she kinda “gets around to it.” She recently said, “Sure Mom” to a closet cleaning request and to my surprise, went straight up and took care of business!  For her that was monumental so she got 3 marbles… and when I said she got 3 marbles she was proud as peacock with her 3 little marbles!

He Who Giveth Can Taketh Away! If someone says or does something nasty, ugly, vile or vicious.  Or simply doesn’t do what they’re asked in some obviously disrespectful way – then they are coughing up marbles and oooooeey they don’t like to give those marbles back!

We assigned a value of approximately 33 cents to each marble and cash them in at the end of the week or two weeks – whatever works.  What makes the marbles magic for us as parents is how they take on the friction of the difficult situations instead of every issue being the Kids vs. Us.

This works like magic… our kids still get all wide eyed and perky when we utter those esteem building words, “Go get some marbles.”  It’s so incredibly important that we noticed the good deed done!  Soon you will notice they are looking for ways to earn marbles - positively marble-ous!

p.s. kids like to see their marbles piling up in the container which is why it’s really important that it’s clear!!

Here is an example of what I mean:

At the pool today, I gave all 3 of my kids a very direct expectation that when 7:30 came,  I would signal them to get out of the pool to dry off and get ready to go home.  Two of the three were messing around and jumped back in the pool a couple of  times but the third child stayed out of the pool from the moment I waived the signal and walked over to me to dry off and go home (surprisingly, not the one I would have guessed).  That child was told he would get an extra scoop of ice cream for dessert while the other two got the normal allotment.  The two non-compliant kids looked at me with perplexity because they weren’t really being punished but they didn’t get the reward either.  They could not really complain or protest because of the obviousness of their lack of concern for the respectfully and clearly laid-out request.  I have to admit, I was feeling pretty clever!

Victorious!

In order to promote change you must first take a good look at the message you are sending out to your kids.  Take some time to look around at your own personal space and get it in shape.  Make a list of the things you want to start with like, 1. Make your bed everyday, 2. Put your dirty clothes in the laundry basket – not on the floor and so on.  Taking these steps first will allow you to feel more confident when you sit down with your kids and have “The Talk”.  You will radiate confidence and your kids will get the message that you are expecting cooperation.

“The Talk” is simply this:

A sweet delivery!

Pick a time when you can gather everyone around the table and let them know that change is a comin’.   You might serve a family favorite dessert and then begin by letting them know this is something you expect from everyone and lay out the guidelines very specifically.  Pass it out on paper if you want.  Chore Charts work well for the ones who need to “see” what you mean.  For those with little ones, they won’t understand exactly what you are saying but they will certainly understand the tone of the family meeting and through observation will get the idea to some degree.  Feel lucky if you have some young ones, you are catching them BEFORE they develop bad habits.

Be very direct and specific about what you expect and why.  Believe it or not, there are some kids who will really take to the idea and get excited about it.  When you present the idea to the family as a group, it gives the plan more energy and a greater chance to succeed.  Discuss the potential rewards and consequences for cooperation and non-cooperation.  Make time for questions to be asked and let everyone put their two cents worth in but just make sure you restate that this is not optional.  Change is much easier to adapt to when you’ve been confronted with it in advance and have been given an opportunity to clarify, disagree, cry – whatever the case may be.  Make yourself some notes for the family meeting… this will help you stay on track and ensure that everything gets covered.

Cooperation

There is one caveat to the level of success you can achieve through the changing of the boundaries.  That caveat is this:

You are teaching your kids how to develop good habits and you can develop either good habits or bad habits through consistency.  If you are consistently in-consistent you will get bad results.  You must be ready to change and have the strength and stick-to-it-tiveness to see it through.  So don’t start this until you are really dedicated to sticking to it. You can experience more of the same, get worse, or really put things moving in a better direction, it’s up to you.

The little successes will give you the motivation and confidence to stick to your plan.  Celebrate them and give yourself a little pat on the back – this is good stuff you’re doing here!

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Have you ever found yourself caught completely off-guard by an ENTIRE season of the year?  For some reason a trip to the pool can just pop up out of nowhere and the next thing you know you’re digging for bathing suit tops, scrounging for sunscreen, pulling out that beach bag with last year’s Ziplock full of mashed up Cheetos and old squished up sandwich wrappers at the bottom.

That alone can throw a spontaneous invitation to fun in the sun, overboard in a hurry.

Most of us have that one or two weekends on the calendar each year that signals a change in the season which requires us to switch gears.  Try this tip for getting your groove on this season!

Pick a day to clear out some space in a closet – preferably one with plenty of shelves and label one of them your Season “On” Shelf – S.O.S

Here’s what goes on your S.O.S. for summer (for example):

Sunscreen (buy new each year… it doesn’t have a long shelf life!)

Bug spray

Paradise

Beach towels or mats

Water shoes (after they are dry)

Chapstick

Beach Bag

Small water toys (use a bin)

Goggles

Water camera

Babies swim diapers

I could go on and on but I think you get the idea!  Keeping all your season specific stuff in the same spot makes it easy for anyone to throw the necessary garb together for a spontaneous trip to the pool.  More importantly, everyone knows where it goes when you get home and even the kids can help put things away!!!!

When the season ends… take a little time to pack up what lives on for next year in a storage bin and re-load your S.O.S with all of the “gotta have it” items for the next season.

You might even find yourself enjoying life’s little adventures a bit more when your S.O.S. is on your side!!

TKMom